A Social Commentary on Coping

Hey you, in the shadows
in the corner all alone,
Cling to the darkness
to remain unseen.
Cloaked in despair
and shrouded with the mist of dying memories, you hide,
in a fatal attempt to mask your pain.

Hey you, blade in your hand
Wrist dripping and burning
Slash to control
and bleed to replace
Emotive anguish.
Surrogating corporeal angst for dread distress, you subsist;
Draining ill sentiment from the sluice of life.

Hey you, on the barstool
with a mug in your hand,
Drink to forget
and forget, to escape.
Consuming poison
and slowly slipping into graceless oblivion, you laugh,
in a final effort to drown your hurt.

Hey you, with the girl
undressed and in bed,
Roll up the sheets
and engage to re-cover.
Lying to love
and seducing faith into false validation, you lie,
as a last resort to manufacture care.

This piece is a short social commentary on how people attempt to cope with their feelings, and the things they use to cover up naked emotional pain. I don’t know why we bother to wonder why we can't get people to be real with us, or why so many of our relationships seem to be shallow. We want others to take their masks off, but we refuse to first discard ours. If we would first bear a piece of our own hearts, then others would be a lot more willing to open their hearts to us. The problem is that for some reason being open with people about what's going on inside of us, what are feeling, and mostly what's hurting us has become something that we just don't do. Whether it's a fear that someone will betray us, that we will be judged or looked down on, or the idea that no one wants to listen to us I’m not sure. It’s probably a compilation of all three. Interestingly, many times even when someone does “share” something, it is only a surface something disguised as a deeper something. In this way we can pretend we are dealing with things when in fact our admittance of one fault is really only a cover-up for a greater fault. At any rate, something has happened and if we don't seek to correct it, then soon all of our relationships will be characterized by falsehood. All we will ever see of someone is the shell that they have secreted for the twofold purpose of first, keeping their feelings and thoughts inside of them, and second, of having something to show off for everyone else. Something to say "this is who I am, and this is what I do, and this is what I should be known by. It doesn't matter whether you really know me or not as long as you associate my name with this so that you can’t see inside as to who I really am." Everything we will see will merely be a disguise of the truth. And when we finally think someone is sharing something from within themselves with us, it will be nothing but a way to shove off some nosy pestering person who obviously only wants to cause more pain by inquiring as to our state of being.

Verse one is to those that adhere to solitude as their way of escape. Keeping to themselves they rarely have to deal with the thoughts of other people. To you: come out of hiding, crawl out of your holes. You are not alone and there really are people out in the wide world who will love you - only you must first give them the chance.

Verse two has to do with a coping mechanism that is largely overlooked in most of our circles, but it is a problem that any youth minister or counselor will deal with these days. Cutting and self mutilation are nothing but ways in which we try and deal with our pain ourselves. This is an issue I will probably be addressing soon, and so I won’t say anymore about it here.

Verse three is, I think, pretty obvious. Alcohol isn't going to solve any problems. It can't even help us cope right. So give it up. On a deeper level this speaks to all of us. We all have things in our lives that we depend upon to help us cope with our "stress." We all try to escape reality by using temporary relievers; the thing is, they are only temporary. The only permanent escape is death... though that is not a good reason for suicide. I think we all need to look into ourselves and find what we are using as our crutch, and whether it is a substance, an activity, an object, or a person we need to realize that the only thing it is helping us do is cover up what is really happening, and not allow us to deal with things when they need dealing with. Instead of placing our trust in things that are temporal, we need to place our trust in the One who is eternal.

Verse four has a very simple explanation: STOP SEEKING FOR VALIDATION IN OTHERS. We use them and abuse them and program them to see us as we want to be seen, and yet in the end we cast them aside even though they have only done what we asked. Ok, so that's not the only explanation, just the one that hides beneath the surface. The other is obvious though. So many times we seek solace through relationship and we end up making decisions we later regret. We must find our source of comfort, of love, of everything in God – who is love, who is our comforter, and is our all.

Deferred Hope

From time to time I like to participate in an online discussion board. Recently I was involved in a discussion about deferred hope. Here is a brief summary of my thoughts on the subject:

Hope deferred…well, in my estimation, hope deferred is better than hope abandoned. Or is it? There are some who would say that hope is vital to life – and there seems to be evidence enough to support. But is this really true? Is it not possible that this very hope that we think we need can bind us to the point of obsession over something we logically know we can never have? So you say, “balance my friend, balance.” But what is the point in hoping if the hope is not actually worth hoping? It is better to hope against hope itself, then to allow hope to hope for itself. For hope will always be disappointed, especially when hoping upon others.

And so we are left with three options, not all equal. The first of which is to take hope by the mantle and shake it into the submission of the will. In this domineering act one can control what he hopes in or hopes for; and in the end his hope lies within himself. This can be a lonely path to choose, but the pain inflicted upon oneself is ones own – and for some this can be most easily and readily accepted, even inflicted. One’s failure is ones own, and so ones fallen hopes are self contained.

The second option is take hope and cast it off of the cliff of reason. Reason says that hope is nothing more than the temporal whims of an emotionally unstable individual. Here hope is not in anything at all, for if it was then it would not be hope. It would be a trust or a faith of some sort in something, not an eager but unknowing disposition to a given circumstance. And so perhaps giving up on hope in favor of those things which are more concrete is the answer. Instead of waiting in hope, why not act in confidence. This also places the final outcome on the individual; however without hope the number of variables out of control is limited.

And finally we come to the last solution – to hope, but in deference. If this is to be done then there must be someone or something to hope in. But if our hope is to be at all founded then that which we hope in must be trustworthy, or at least consistent. But is there anything that can be trustworthy or consistent? And it is here that we must insert a god, or something that is not bound by mortal law, something that will remain immutable despite all other change, and something that will look after our best interest. Then and only then can we hope; and even then it is not hope, because we are freely giving our hope to this god in full confidence that he will not disappoint. It is interesting to note here though, that hope in this case cannot be disappointed even if the desired ends are not met; for the god has acted according to his good will and purpose. But is there such a being? And if there is, how is humanity to blindly place its greatest hopes and dreams in the palms of something that has not proven itself beyond a shadow of a doubt to act in our absolute welfare, much less act at all.

Which of these is the greatest folly? To withdraw to oneself in an attempt at isolationism? To abandon hope altogether and proceed only on the knowledge of the certain? Or to defer hope to something else and hope that that is right? O the cruel irony, the bitter blade of fate will bite again, regardless of the hope that is kept or forsaken. So hope with me against all hope that there is one who can rest hope from me and soothe an aching psyche at the brink of hopeful depression obsession.

I know, I know.

I know, I know. It's not like the world really needs another young mind spewing forth his ideas, and it's not like I really need another website to keep up. But I intend on using this as sort of an online journal, a place to share my thoughts and what I am learning. Hopefully this will make it easier for some of you to feel more connected to me as I am not always able to call or e-mail as frequently as I would like.
The title of this blog is more or less what it will be - a collection of fragments that when pieced together form a greater image. It will be an image of my life, an image of my thoughts, an image of my heart, and hopefully an image of God.