Reflection

A Reflection on the July 4^{th entry of "My Utmost For His Highest" by Oswald Chambers} – Oh how tremendously wicked I am. I worry and wonder constantly over whether or not things will go “favorably” for me. But what is this? It is nothing but the selfish wanting of my own corrupt soul, a soul not properly influenced by the powerful and peaceful shadow of our God. I worry about money and try to figure out how I can get more. I lose sleep over a girl and try to get her to like me. I get anxious about my future and try to plan out where I will be and what I will do. My mind sleeps in a state of constant apprehension keeping rest from being truly restful. All this, while I claim to believe in a sovereign, omniscient, omnipotent God.

But that is not belief. It is the seed of sin sprouting into black flowers of ungrateful contempt. It is the growing cloud of selfish ambition. It is the anti-God, the voice of pride calling out in scorn “My will, not thine.” It is nothing other than the ancient snare of self-love that Lucifer fell prey to before the age of men.

Constant state, Paranoia, Embezzler of life,
Captures Conscience, burns him upon the Stake of Trepidation.
Mind breached, Mistrust thrusts her blade Suspicion deep into Heart,
Cutting out Trust, rendering Heart loveless.
Empty of right, know only wrong,
Devoid of love, loss of life.
Speaking treason to Heart, Mind betrays, enslaves, to suffer an existence of miserable apprehension obsession.
King Terror and Queen Fear make hate;
Prince Unrest is begotten.

Refresh.

For reasons of mental and spiritual health I decided to take a short sabbatical from my usual routine. This involves abstinence from engagement in any sort of formal theological inquiry, supplemental reading, and anything of the nature. (Except of course what is required for me to adequately teach my American Church History class.) I will continue the series on Romans 4.1-9 at a later date.

Instead, I am taking this time for prayerful reflection and contemplation. I think that soul searching is something that all of us need to do once in a while. And I feel that with my internships, upcoming ministry trip to Europe, and various other events in my life it is a good time for me to take a break from "thinking" as my sister Candace says and try to focus on a simple, even mystical faith.

In the meantime, if you haven't read any of my early posts I would encourage you to. They are much different from what I have been doing recently and are more artistic in nature. Also, check out my brothers blog over at mycollegedebt.org.