Confession

O God,
I confess that I have seen You at work in, even on my life.
I have seen You at work, I have heard You calling out, but I confess that I have responded sluggishly.
I thought I could put my life together
I wanted to have my life together
But I didn’t. I was missing You.
Not formally missing You - You were there on the stand in Your place by the Bible on the shelf – but missing You. I let You have a place, but I disgraced You by not giving You the place You deserve, that place that You require.

If I truly believed I would bind my soul to You and declare an oath of eternal fidelity; instead I have been content to leech from You a “free gift” and I have become a whore-mongering taker, interested only in self-indulged hedonism.
Forgive me, O Giver of All,
For I have used You
I have usurped You covenant promise
I have presumed upon Your grace
And made a mockery of Your mercy, while tempting Your wrath and testing Your justice.
I, Your vassal, beg of You O God to be gracious,
For I have not kept my oath of fidelity.
I have sought happiness from personal accomplishment
I have sought fulfillment from love and temporal relationships
I have sought gratification from the accumulation of wealth.

Enable me to live like Your servant Paul of Tarsus, cruciform, a life of servitude – even slavery to You. Let me affirm my oath by pouring out my life as an offering in worship to You.
May Your Holy name be ever praised, O Lord of my salvation.

What Happened?

sometimes life is hard.
but i think that death is always harder.
especially when there aren't many answers.


Life can't be that bad for anyone.
I know you hate this world, but please put down your gun.
Believe me, no one wants to see you dead.
Just start a new life and forget the past instead.
And it's okay, if you never, forgive me.

What happened?
I saw you way back with your friends.
They left you, they broke you, they ripped you apart.
Worst of all she broke your heart, it's not your fault.

What happened?
Your parents loved you so much.
You're bleeding, and crying, and screaming out loud.
There in the corner with it figured out, don't give up now.

Life can't be that bad for anyone.
It's not so easy to say that now that you're gone.
Someday I will see you again,
And we'll both be in heaven not thinking about what happened.

What Happens In The Dark.

Just as I had slept

To achieve solace

In dreamy escape

I was now awaked;

Thrust once more into the arena,

That fire filled hell ring some call life.

Midnight’s lightning blade

Saved me from drowning

In acid darkness,

But scarred memories

Became the end of my pain-filled dream,

Re-beginning my hate filled life.